Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
