What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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