Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
