went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
