i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
ok first of all what the fuck
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
