Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
