Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
please come you make the beer taste better
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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