I didn't shave. On purpose
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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