just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
