I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
