hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
