So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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