He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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