If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
