I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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