What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
