apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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