Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
handjob tips. give me some.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
