I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
