I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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