The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You pole danced in your parka.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
