saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just found a bag of teeth...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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