I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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