I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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