elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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