Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
