Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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