Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
