well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
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I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
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Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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