3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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