im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
