Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
