College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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