TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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