Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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