I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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