By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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