i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
its not stalking. its research.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
