is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
