4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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