been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
