fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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