she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
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Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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