You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
