Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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