Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe