i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.