Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.