I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.