My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
