Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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