I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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