he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
