she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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