i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
