she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
