dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
