As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
