capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
