So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize