i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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