He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
