i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just pee around me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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