Already got asked if we're dating
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
