You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
