The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
