My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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