my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize