when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he was CRYING into my vagina
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
