Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
