I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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