dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize