I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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