plz talk dirty to me
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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